Afternoon Matinee
by inpassing
Summary: ‘I love you’. She said, on a boat in the middle of a smelly lake. [shizXnat]


**Afternoon Matinee **

It was raining, I remember that much. My black ball pen was missing and everybody seemed to be busy with something other than the complex math equation on the board. The sound of raindrops hitting the roof somehow drowned the sound of my teacher's voice as I focused more and more on the furious taps on the window. Then I heard someone scream - a panicky shrill. All of a sudden, the room was alive.

_Breathe,_ a classmate had said, desperately fanning her. I could tell she wasn't – breathing I mean. She just laid there, still and beautiful, while my classmates were smothering the air she was supposed to take in.

She's dead. Somebody had said. I felt the rubber eraser on my hand and remembered what I was doing. Idly, I looked down on my equation.

_X -1_

--

_You're sitting on my seat._ She looked at me like I was accusing her of bribery. She was new, that much I could tell. Older and probably ten times wiser. Even half a meter away, I knew she smelled nice.

_I'm sorry, I thought this seat was empty._ She started to gather her things -blue pencil with yellow butterflies, purple notebooks and a pink rubber eraser.

_It's not._

She paused and looked as if she was going to retaliate. She didn't, she just stood up and took the seat besides mine. No point being friendly anyway, I've missed a good deal of classes for the day.

--

'_You're supposed to bang it.'_ She was pressing the button and somehow I knew she wasn't the type who'd know what to do. I took a good aim at the dispenser and the soda made a satisfying thud down the rectangular space. I took it and tossed it to her. Bad idea, she would have to wait for a few minutes before opening it.

'_Thank you.'_ She smiled. First time I saw her smile. She was pretty and I wondered if she had a boyfriend and if she did, does he tell her she's pretty? People like her; they needed to be reminded of it. It's like telling your son, listen you're smart; don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

'_No problem.'_ It must have been the nicest thing I said that week. No problem, I thought, you're not going to remember me anyway.

Everybody liked her. Boys lined up to give her overpriced chocolates on Valentines Day and girls would look at her in adoring sometimes jealous stares. She would simply smile and take what was offered, never failing to be polite and well-meaning.

Even I liked her.

--

'_Shit.' _ All the town libraries were closed. I shouldn't be blaming a national holiday, but does it matter? I was screwed. I needed that book or I'm going to have to retake the subject – which I can't possibly do. Failing a course once is plausible, but failing it five times is total bullshit.

'_Ara…Kuga-san.' _Somehow I knew I'd meet her. That day on that street at the exact minute on that spot.

'_Hey.'_ It wasn't my goal to be the most-hated person in our class; I can still engage myself into a proper conversation – if needed. And in this case, I have to.

'_What are you doing out here? You're soaking wet.' _ She was wearing a raincoat that would have looked better in her younger sister – if she had one. A yellow raincoat adorned with elephants. She held a small plastic bag and I could tell it was dinner.

'_Do you have a copy of the giver?' _If I had to ask, no need to engage in meaningless chit-chat after all. This teenage princess would probably be better off in a dry place talking to someone whose sneakers aren't soaking wet.

'_I do,'_ she nodded

'_Can I borrow it?' _

She hesitated. She probably needed it too. It's an important exam and I'm sure nobody wanted to fail.

'_It's alright. Thanks anyway.'_ I dismissed her with a wave. I quickly turned around and was heading out when suddenly; I felt her hands on mine. Cold, icy even. I shivered as I turned to face her again.

'_Anou, we can share it if you want.'_ She said, eyes solemn and I thought she was pretty.

-

'_So when you take away four and get the negative of x, the answer is,'_ the teacher took some time to roam his eyes on the class. He found mine and I immediately wished I was staring somewhere else.

'_Yes Kuga-san,' _

I looked down on my solution. I could barely make anything out of it. I saw my answer enclosed in an unsure imperfect circle.

'One. Positive one.' I said, with enough confidence to satisfy the disapproving look of my teacher.

'_That wasn't quite what I wanted to hear… yes, Fujino-san'_

'Negative one, sensei.' She didn't even bother to look at her paper just to make sure. Even in class, she glowed with perfection.

--

She liked me. I could tell. She would slow down her steps on the way to choir room so that her phase would match mine. She would idly open up her copy of Haydn's Jesus Joy of Man's Desiring and ask me what part I was singing. Small talk. It was reality-check - in a good way. That even pretty girls needed to exert a little effort to get whatever it is they wanted.

'_Are you going to the Christmas party tomorrow?'_ she had asked, once while on our way to the gym.

'_No.'_ I answered. '_Watching people stone themselves is not really appealing for me.'_ She looked disappointed but somehow knew I was going to say no. It was as pointless as asking me if I liked to dance in a bunny suit.

Ten yards away from the gym, I thought it was about time that I surprise her for a change. I took her hand and stopped walking. I carefully took out a small box from my pocket and gave it to her. Regretting it after I saw the price tag still attached at the bottom.

It wasn't really that special. A small plastic frog I saw on the department store the other day. Still, I knew it would make her happy. All this time I've been vague about this relationship and I thought it was about time to clear things up.

I was still holding her hand. It felt so right.

'_Open it later.'_ I said. She nodded, smiling. She was really very pretty.

--

'_Do you want to know why?'_ She asked me, wrapped in a thin hospital gown.

I shook my head. I was sitting on a chair a meter away from her bed, and I wondered why I put that space between us. Especially at times like these when I'm supposed to be holding her hand.

She managed to give me a smile before closing her eyes. She looked so tired. I thought maybe when she's better I could finally take her to that shop she always wanted to go.

'_You've been there before.' I said, not really wanting to go anywhere._

'_But I want you to see it.'_

'_Next time.' _

--

'_I love you'._ She said, on a boat in the middle of a smelly lake.

I looked at the paddle, it was painted yellow. Who would paint a paddle yellow?

She knew how I felt. Still, maybe she wanted to hear me say it. So I did. It came out in a mechanical tone that was an insult to how much I felt for her. But she looked so happy that she almost tipped the boat when she lunged at me for a hug.

--

_She's dead._ Somebody had said.

I watched her lying there, I watched how our teacher tried to revive her by calling out her name and I watched our school nurse rush inside the classroom. I watched them take her away and I closed my eyes, and I saw blue pencils with yellow butterflies, a thick purple notebook and a pink rubber eraser.

It was so vivid that I can smell her perfume and hear the distant chatter of nearby classmates. I could see her bend down and arrange her notebooks in order. The board would be erased and the rain would stop in exactly fifteen minutes.

It was life coming to a full-circle. It was the first time I saw her.


End file.
